Honestly

Woe is Me!!

You know, this morning when it happened, I did not say "honestly".  I said something much much worse, and I am taking sides with the person who says that if a tree falls in the forrest and no one hears it, it does not make a sound.  No one else heard the pretty hard core expletives that I find that this type of situation generally elicits from me.  Anyway, I have to chide myself for having such a meltdown at 4:57 AM, everyone has had the bottom fall out of their mason jar.

Every night, I set a glowing green smoothie on the countertop to thaw out before morning.  THIS MORNING, when I picked up my mason jar of glowing green smoothie, the bottom fell off.  The bottom of the mason jar hit the tile and broke into a million pieces AND THEN the smoothie fell out of the bottom.  The smoothie hit the floor so hard that it splashed THE CEILING.  The floor was covered and the cabinets were all splashed.  I could go on all day about the baseboards, the windows, the all of it.

It amazes me how things like that always happen to me when I am in a huge hurry to get out the door on  time.  I woke up at 4:55 AM, walked into the kitchen and ruined my morning.  Thursdays are bike ride mornings.  I meet my group at 5:25, and we try to be riding by 5:29 AM.  Everyone has work and I have to sprint home to feed the baby and we have to be on the road by 5:29.

A Glowing Green Smoothie explosion is nothing that you can just leave.  My marriage would not survive waking my husband to clean up my mess so that I could make my bike ride.  I had to clean it up. It had to be cleaned up, and while I worked lightening fast to get all the mess off the floor and sweep up the glass and wipe down the cabinets, it made me late.  I was 7 minutes late out the door, and it was super sad because as I whipped into the parking lot I could see my bike group cycling into the sunrise about 5 minutes ahead of me.

Five minutes on a swim, I might make up and five minutes on a run, I could definitely make up. Five minutes on the bike, and I might as well be dead.  SO, with heaviness of heart, I got all my gear together, and pedaled as fast as I could for 17 miles.  I never saw the group, and I was the lone cyclist.  Also, my cadence sensor never picked up.  It was all very sad, and if I had had a soundtrack to my morning, it would have all been written by The Fray.  It was that sad.

This is where I am not sure about myself.  When that mason jar hit the floor, should I have scrapped my ride.  Should I have just said to myself, "this is not happening for me today.  I am cleaning this up and getting back in bed."?  I knew that there was a good chance I would not make it on time.  Why didn't I just get back in bed? Even if I couldn't sleep, I could have read my book or prayed that the rest of my day would be an improvement over recent events.

Instead, I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off, still arrived late and then got stuck in morning traffic because I got back to my car late.  Morning traffic turns on a dime, by the way. Ten minutes later than usual, and it is gridlock.

I sort of enjoyed the ride, however, even though I didn't go as fast as I would have liked.  16.5 miles per hour is fast for me, but I had been reaching upwards of 18 miles an hour with the group.  There is nothing like a group to encourage your speed.

My Time Constraints

This will be me!!

This morning, after I had been up at 4:00 AM (unwillingly this morning, as opposed to yesterday) to breastfeed, then crawled back in bed until I woke up much too late feeling like I had been run over by a truck, and figuratively maybe I had,  it occurred to me that training for a marathon has the potential to be most unpleasant.  I am struggling to find the time to watch my DVD (it is only 30 minutes) about my Diastasis Recti.  How am I going to find the time for two more 70 minute runs per week.  Womp Womp.  I was pretty excited about it when I signed up.

Also, I have, I think, four new magazine subscriptions.  They were free, and I said "yes", but why?  So I can toss them, unread, into the recycle bin?  So I can trip over a pile of magazines and children's toys, as opposed to just children's toys.  I sometimes think that I am so resentful of my time constraints that I refuse to acknowledge them and keep piling more things on my plate and becoming more frustrated.  If I were in therapy, this is what I would ask the therapist to tell me.  BUT, and here is the rub, I don't have time for therapy.  So I just keep stoking the fires of resentment and having a cocktail at 4:00 PM.  Maybe its all the same anyway.

However, I did get to the outdoor pool at my gym for an hour swim.  A cold front blew through last weekend, and the pool was freezing.  FREEZING. I persevered with 2500 meters and am hoping to hit the pool again tomorrow.

Hopefully some discussion of my training plan tomorrow!!

4:00 AM

This morning, I woke up cheerfully at 4:00 AM.  I just peeled out of bed, fully rested.  I was up before the baby.  It was ridiculous and it is happening relatively often.  I will say that I was in bed at 8:30 last night, reading just a bit of Mornings On Horseback before turning off the lights.  This has me slightly concerned that I am starting some midlife shift of my circadian rhythms.  Am I on my way to being that crotchety woman up with the garbage collectors and the local weather.  Am I going to start living my life like Matt Lauer, nervous if anyone suggests eating dinner after 5:00 or staying out past 7:00?  Is that going to me?

I still have sequin shorts in my closet and high heel shoes.  Nobody wears high heel shoes to eat dinner at 5:00 PM.

Anyway, amidst my crushing concern about the demise of my sequin shorts lifestyle, I popped onto my bike, met my fellow cyclists and pedaled 17 miles.  We rode at 16.9 miles her hour, which is quick for me.

However, I now have hanging over me a marathon on December 8th.  For this reason, I need to study and organize my swimming, biking and running into a manageable plan that will give me success on the 8th.  Will keep you posted on the development of my plan.

Diastasis Recti: Tupler Technique

So, it was a big bummer that Baby G split my transverse muscle.  After my first son was born, I was back in a bikini in six weeks, which I was pretty sure was because I was awesome.   After my second son was born, six weeks after the birth I was routinely being asked if I was pregnant.  Three months after the fact, I was routinely asked if I was pregnant.  It was beyond what I could handle.  Now, I realize that this is a first world problem.  I have two healthy children, and we are all safe and sound and well fed and I am obsessing about washboard abs and the perfect belly button.  My vanity is not lost on me.

Anyway, I spent the first few months after my pregnancy, just cranking my abs with post partum workouts.  I ordered a Tracy Anderson workout, which I did without fail every night to no avail.  In fact, I sort of thought my stomach looked worse.  So, I consulted a trainer who told me that all the pilates and ab work I had done post partum had totally made the situation worse.  She was right and it was a big bummer.  Why doesn't anyone tell you about diastasis recti immediately after giving birth.  Why does western medicine encourage us down these disterous roads?  Once diagnosed, I got sort of obsessed and began hours of research on diastasis recti.
I had a four finger (at least) seperation initially.  You check yourself by laying on your back, bending your knees with feet on the floor, and lifting your head and shoulders off the floor.  Then you see how many fingers you can get in between the gap right above your belly button.

SO, when you have abdominal wall separation, as in a diastasis recti, crunches and such wrench the separation further apart, allowing your organs and such to move through the gap and increase the chances of the 16 year old lifeguard at the pool asking you if you are pregnant.  Womp Womp.

The trainer at the YMCA taught me a good bit about it, but I obsessed over it and ended up enrolling in Julie Tupler's online course, wearing a splint, reading a textbook and watching videos.  There is a very good chance that I am going to go to New York later in the year and take her seminar personally.

The key to closing your diastasis recti is doing transverse pulses, some 500 or 1000 a day.  This is when you hold your belly button all the way in and pulse in and out while pulling your ribs together.  It takes about two minutes per set of 100.  It isn't that bad, you can do it in the car while you are driving.  You also try to wear a splint for at least 18 weeks.  I saw a dramatic difference in three weeks and even more in 6 weeks.

Now, however, I seem to have plateaued.  My stomach is flat, but my belly button is funny.  This is why I need to talk to Julie Tupler at Maternal Fitness.  She is the guru, and I want her opinion about my belly button.

Food Philosophy

9 month Pics were off the hook

So, while I have been a Kimberly Snyder guru for the last year or so, I feel it is necessary to clarify that if invited for dinner I am not going to show up at your house with a Tupperware of raw vegetables and some clarified water.  There are things that I cannot turn down under any circumstances, these are chocolate, coffee, wine and cake (especially of the birthday and wedding variety).  Chocolate, coffee and wine are completely indispensable to me for various child related reasons.  At some points in my day, respectively, first thing in the morning, sometime all day, and during the witching hour when everyone speaks to me in a whine, all these things are absolutely necessary.  And, I can't even fathom going to your birthday party and not eating some of your cake probably two pieces, one of which is a corner piece with a rose.

You just can't be that person that asks the waitress 5000 questions about vegetarian cooking practices (I dated that guy once, ooohh brooooother), the gluten content of the vinegar and how much dairy is involved in the entree.  That person is wearying, especially if this lifestyle that I have chosen is not really about a serious allergy or illness per say, but about feeling great and fitting into my admittedly expensive jeans collection.  I CANNOT AFFORD TO REPLACE MY JEANS.  ( I read an interview with Charlotte Dellal recently and when asked what brand of jeans she wore, she said "no thank you"!!  What the What.  No Jeans?? Really??)

So, everything said about my raw sauerkraut and my glowing green smoothies and my probiotic supplements, you have to live a little.

My Food Situation

Glowing Green Smoothies in my Freezer

My Fridge!!

Its the Truth!!

So, I have been having a love affair with Kimberly Snyder and her food pairings and whole foods, dairy free, gluten free lifestyle.  Not that I was keen to give up my froyos, but my whole body melted down when I was pregnant, and I just had to cry uncle and embrace the quinoa.

Confession: There was a time when I posted a question about my new food lifestyle on Kimberly Snyder's blog EVERY DAY.  Kimberly Snyder, patron saint of probiotics that she is, kindly answered all my questions.  Can you believe it??  I have to say that her kind guidance really spurred me on to follow her advice.

Every day I:

1) drink a glowing green smoothie with a few Kimberly Snyder approved changes:

• 2 apples
• 2 pears or peaches (depending on the season)
• parsely
• kale
• 2 cucumbers (usually bananas, but Kimberly says I can use the cucumbers instead)
• ginger root
• bunch of spinach
• bunch of romaine
• celery

I blend it all up in the Vitamix I got for my birthday last year and freeze six or seven servings for the week.  I have a whole schedule and system for doing it each week, and I love my GGS.

2) I take a probiotic supplement every morning and night.  I found some cheapie ones at the local Kroger and I am thrilled with them.

3) I tried to make her Probiotic and Enzyme Salad, but it was horrible.  It was so revolting that I would eat a Big Mac every day before I ever ate it again.  It really worried me that I would not be able to follow Kimberly Snyder all the way down the complicated road of eating well.  A friend turned me on to Bubbies, which is a raw sauerkraut.  They sell it at the whole foods, it is easier than making your own, and while it is not THE tastiest thing in the world, I really quite like it with spaghetti sauce and a bit of sheep cheese.  Kimberly Snyder says that sheep cheese is OK sometimes. SHEEP CHEESE!!!!!

4) I really try to follow the food pairings that she recommends:

• eat fruit early, wait 20 minutes before eating anything else
• green veggies pair with anything
• starches and proteins do not pair together
• melons are to be eaten alone

I think the fifth thing is to take digestive enzymes and I sort of stopped those, because I did not notice any big difference after doing it for a year.  

It is all pretty exciting.  I feel all sorts of better than I did before and during my pregnancy.  AND, Hanna, who cuts my hair, says that my hair remarkably longer and stronger than it was when we started down our hair road together.  ALSO, I think my aging puffy eyes are better.  They are rarely puffy anymore, and puff used to be the way I lived with my eyes.  Thrilling.   

BEAT: Look Who Is Biking!!!

Bike must be accessible

The bucket must always be packed

A long term goal of mine has been to get on the bike.  I run and swim all the time, but the bike never happened UNTIL THIS SUMMER.  A big part of it has been accountability.  I have a Saturday morning running group and a swim program (EXCEL!!), but finding a bike group that could accommodate my work schedule, kid schedule and all the rest of it has never materialized.  This meant that I tooled about my neighborhood on my own or rode on the bike trainer with a Sufferfest video.  While I will say that the Sufferfest makes riding the trainer better, on a scale of one to ten Sufferest makes riding a bike a three, whereas riding outside is a nine.

Also, just to give way too much information, riding the trainer indoors is tricky.  It works best when the house is deserted.  My house is never deserted when I am there.  My kids are on me like spider monkeys.  I have to ride the trainer with headphones while everyone is napping so that the sound of my sufferfest video does not wake them.  THEN, if someone is crying in their crib or trundle bed, and I do not hear them, I am literally consumed with the mom guilt.  Mom guilt is SOUL CRUSHING, friends.

SO, when a friend told me that the Brentwood Endurance Athletic Club was starting rides at 5:30 AM on Monday and Thursday mornings, I was dubious as I get pretty sad about having to set my alarm for anytime before 5:00 AM.  However, I decided to attempt this as it is pretty clear that there is no other way for me to get on the bike.  Getting up early is a big bummer on multiple levels:

1) you have to get up early and I am in no way a morning person
2) you have to go to bed early and my circadian rhythms have me shutting down around 11:00 at the earliest.  I have the night fever, night fever.  What can I say?
3) You have to be completely prepared when you are up early.  In the dark hours, there is no time to rethink your outfit or decide what to eat.
4) tiredness.  I like to be completely rested.  I am not one of those people that brags about the town when I am going on less than eight hours of sleep.  I literally get bitter about losing half an hour to sleeplessness, nightfeedings or what have you.  I am angry for days if a thunderstorm is loud enough to rob me of precious sleep.

Anyway, I now have a plan and here it is:

1) inform everyone in the house (including the 9 month old) that they are dead men walking if they do not leave me in complete silence and peace by 7:30 PM on Sunday night and Thursday night.  The children are asleep and my husband has relegated himself to his office only to emerge if one of the children violates the must sleep mandate. Thunderstorms and other loudness past these hours is not tolerated.

2) put everything that can be put into the car early into the car.  My bike bucket (containing my helmet, socks, shoes, bike glasses, and gloves), two huge glasses of water for post ride, and my handbag with license ect.

3) set out my glowing green smoothie to thaw for breakfast.

4) put my bike in front of the back door

5) put my Garmin 310xt on the charger beside the back door

6) Lay out all of the clothes I will even think about wearing.  Anything not laid out the night before is dead to me come alarm time.

7) take half an ambien at 7:45.  I do not advocate medication as a general rule, but I have to say that it has been working quite well this summer.  In fact, I often wake, fully rested, before the alarm to bike goes off.

My above system is going so well that it takes me 7 minutes to get out the door after my alarm goes off.  It is fabulous!!

I am riding a 17 mile route every Monday and Thursday.  My initial goal was to become fast enough over the summer that I could get in the 23 mile route in the same amount of time that I am accomplishing the 17.  Thus far, that has not happened, but I have twice averaged 17.9 miles on a ride, which is the fastest of my life!!  So, I am improving and I ride with Melvin and Tom every week and they are totally patient with me and have even taught me a few things about shifting.  There is nothing like riding with a group to improve your riding.  There is just no way to slack when you are worried that everyone is going to have to wait on you because you bike like snail.

SO, I am thrilled to have found BEAT!!!  It has changed my bike life forever.